Will you be able to understand me?

(For those who are continuously asking me the reason behind my strange behavior. Hope this article will comfort you for coming few days. Until I am normal.)

My heart is heavy right now, filled with so many feelings. My legs are weak enough to carry the load of my mind. I want to cry my heart out. I want to know the reason behind my sleepless nights and convert these crowded, mixed, annoying thoughts into a sloppy piece of paper. And I can't even explain it to myself what's exactly going on but I am still struggling to make you understand why I am behaving like this. Will you be able to understand me?

I am disturbed, internally. I don't care about my long, beautiful hair anymore. I don't care what I am going to wear tomorrow, anymore. It doesn't even matter anymore. The sun is trying to spread his brightest ray of light on me but my darkness is making him feel less of himself. The calm moon tried to lower the rage within me, but little did he know that my mind is nothing less than a seashore tired of being quiet. Will you be able to understand me?

There are words I can't speak, secrets I can't keep. Even if I am buried under this coffin, I still won't be able to share anything with the dead body above me. I am happy for a second and then remember things which makes me go uneasy and I feel guilty about being happy. I feel guilty about eating healthy. I don't even want to talk to you about this. But, Will you be able to understand me?

The food I eat, the drinks I drink are no more special for me, I see my beloved people with swollen eyes and that is enough to make me full. I am falling in love with the taste of my tears, trying not to show them to others. I want to listen his faded voice again, I want to see his glowing face again. I don't want to explain you the meaning of it, Will you still be able understand me?

I am resting in a restless night. They said, giving up your favorite thing can complete your wish. I am ready to sacrifice my love for the moon if it can get him back to me. I swear I won't even touch panipuri. But just tell me a way, how I can go back in time just to make everything back to normal. Normal, when I was worried about my hair fall, confused between the perfumes and crying over the pizzas. I don't know how long I'll be like this, Will you be able to understand me?

May be at least try?!