Broken, but beautiful!

 

They say the more broken you are from the inside, the stronger you become from the outside. If you often come up with phrases or say things like 'I don't need anyone' or 'I can do it on my own', that actually means your ability to trust anyone has been failed by people who were closer to you, repeatedly.

You are always a good listener, you understand people, you connect with them deeply, you create an energy where people are comfortable with you, to share things with you but when it comes to you, you are silent. There’s an ocean drowning within you but you're just.. silent. You have so much to say, an entire volcano to burst but you can't find the words to begin with. You feel you don't want to burden other people with your baggage, you become numb. You cry a river before you even start with a single word, so you become silent, forever.

You often try to find peace in the places, things or even.. even people that you know won't last forever, won't stay with you forever. But there's just too much noise on the inside that your heart collapses and makes it difficult to respond to a simple emotion - love, for yourself.
And when you find what you were looking for, you think you are not worthy of that love. You take a step back.

You try to find connection with people, try to fit in with others but somehow your mind knows that it’s not you and it refuses to accept the situation, or it refuses to feel happy under such false pretense. You find peace at loneliest places, you find peace under a sky full of stars, you find peace in the water flowing endlessly but never in people, at least never the peace that lasts.

There are people who found their peace in others, their love in places and their heart at home but you? You couldn’t, ever. So, you successfully and systematically ignore all the things and make sure your mind is wandering all the time without being focused at one place or on one thing because you know, you know if you think, it will make you weak, so you skip it all. You only focus on keeping yourself busy, your mind busy and you hop from one thing to another. 

Maybe there will come a time when you’ll be at peace, not because you found someone to share things with but because you accepted yourself, because you moved on. You are happy with yourself and content with your energy. There will come a time when the internal ocean of thoughts will find its way out, the volcano of self-doubt will be silent and broken will be beautiful. Till then.. scatter your pieces in the wide sea and let your heart sink to the deepest of the ocean, the underwater world is beautiful too!