"You want water?"

Sleeping in a large hall, I was excited about the next day event. I went to sleep imagining things I have to do tomorrow. Imagining things? Well, usually it's my most favorite thing to do because I can forget other things and have a low-key soothing time.

Few minutes before I woke up, I could feel his aroma around me. I could recognize it because of his past attempts of trying and partly succeeding in having a so-called conversation/meeting with me, which I definitely didn’t want. How could I do that? I was taught very clearly, "Never talk to a stranger". It didn’t take me long to wake up and find him sitting next to me and staring back at me. I was confused, confused what to feel. Uncomfortable under my own skin, alone in a hall full of people, regrettable for being a girl, disgusted of him being a man or I think, may be, scared? I managed to wake up and sit back when he took a step or two back, he asked, “water? You were asking for water to your mother yesterday night, you want it now?”

I couldn’t answer, neither to him nor to his question or his action. I was 6. 

15 years to the ‘event’, I didn’t clear the dust accumulated on that memory, I thought it'll fade away deep in my memory lane somewhere. But no, it’s still fresh up there, that night, that question, that smell but not his face? I wasn’t ready to talk about it, to anyone. Or maybe never wanted to, because.. you know.. your image in society and your respect is more important than your mental health! 

I lost a part of me in that moment, which I may not be able to regain. Or I may not be able to trust/ love anyone or myself fully. I keep re-creating the moments where I have gained the courage to slap him, punch him, bite him or at least kick him. I know I could have done it at that time also but I was just 6 and had no strength, right?! 

Anyways.. leave your past in the past, take a lesson and move on!
It was a beautiful night! A pleasant melody travelling in my mind with my earphones plugged in and deciding to wake up in next 2-3 hours, I went to sleep, again. I was barely asleep when I could smell his aroma, again. Though this time it was my so-called boyfriend, as they say. Opening my eyes and finding him next to me, again. Uncomfortable, alone, regrettable, disgusted, scared, again! And 15 years later, the same question pops up when I opened my eyes, “Do you want water?”

I thought I was ready to answer him, his question. I wasn’t.
I thought I was ready to fight back with all the imaginary training I had completed. I wasn't.
I failed, miserably, again?

Haah!

I am going to remember this, forever. The night, his action, his question but may be, not his face. Because in the end, all these faces are going to fade away but the event will remain the same, the motive will remain the same- obsession of possessing a body. The cycle is going to repeat itself. The human mask is going to fall off their face, leaving them naked with their evil greed but the events? The events are going to reoccur, with me, with you, with her. The morals are failing and so is my faith and trust in you. Can you all* stop before that, if it's okay?

#metoo?