Lost..

When you wake up and find yourself in the middle of a fairyland but even that land makes you feel like you are lost, like.. like it’s a chaos. Chaos full of randomness and uneven feelings, boiling up to burst out and you can’t figure out what is it that’s exactly making you feel that way… making you feel alone and unwanted and frustrated and.. and I guess, just lost.
*Lost.

You don’t remember the last time you had your mind checked in and had it under control, the last time when you felt happy and satiated and grateful but you know you want to feel that way and still you can’t. You have some burden, some internal barrier that’s holding you up against the freedom and although your body is free, your mind isn’t.
*Uneasy, uncomfortable!

You have a to-do list ready, you know your responsibility and the things you’re liable, oblige to do and yet you don’t find it persuasive, you don’t find it exciting and you still do it without looking at the results and constant failure and blockages; because it’s your responsibility?!
*Burden!

Take a pause. 
You think about your past, the times when you failed and became a burden for yourself. You remember all the bad deeds and wrong doings and things that led you to become a lost and failed person that you are today but never the good deeds. You can’t remember if you have done anything good, your mind blocks at that exact point and goes back to the loop of bad things you have done and a bad person you have become.
*Self loathing!

You don’t know if it is your responsibility to first join the broken pieces of your personal dilemma or to help patch up your family issues, the things your parents are going through or the shattered relation you have with your siblings or the typical family drama. You are yet lost, in every aspect of your life. Lost till the moment where you can’t even see a single soul who would truly love you for what you are and not for what you pretend to be?!
*Fake-ness!

The same four walls of your room which you once adored a lot, which gave you comfort once are now closing up against you inch by inch and now you know at some point they are going to come so close that you’ll be buried in them and that’s exactly what your tomb would look like- cold stoned, alone and lost.
*The End.

Your mind is strong enough to break down a thousand times and build itself again but your eyes aren’t. And the last thing you do is.. cry! Cry your heart out, the tears start flowing down your eyes, out of nowhere and you are left there alone, in the nowhere!

(PS: It's a randomly written blog with no clue of what next, just a bunch of paragraphs piled up and penned down at the moment.)