Mumbling of a wolf

Vibes boi*, vibes.  They don’t lie! The first day when we were talking, I made it very clear that I am a crazy ass bitch who keeps blabbering things and say what’s on my mind without thinking twice and you said ‘Maybe I am into weird & crazy-ass bitches’. But guess what, you were not into one. You asked me out on a date-type dinner where you were planning to cook for me and have deserts while   the moon was still hanging low in the sky but I never felt those butterflies since then or maybe things escalated quickly than they should have been or maybe you lost interest (?) or maybe…. You know what, I don’t like ifs and buts and maybes, so let it be. Oh, remember the time when you said that distance doesn’t matter for you and you can’t wait to come visit me? I felt like my feelings are being reciprocated and maybe this time it’s going to be different, maybe I don’t have to turn you into a story and forget about you. But here I am, doing the exact same ...

  ये शामे भी अजीब होती है, पहले तरह तरह के रंगों मे हमे गुमशुदा होने पर मजबूर करती है और धीरे धीरे इन्हीं सारे रंगो को खुद मे ऐसे समेट लेती है के पता ही नहीं चलता| ये शाम अगर कलाकार होती तो बस हरे रंग के लिए तरसती| लेकिन फिर इस जगह से मुझे हरा रंग भी खूब इतराता दिखाई दे रहा है, उन पेड़ों पर| यह पेड़ और यह शाम पूरी कोशिश कर रहे है साथ मे घुलमिल जाने की| या शायद कोई साजिश है इनकी, मुझे ईन वादियों मे गुमशुदा करने की| क्या ये पूरा दिन मेरी पूरी जिंदगी मुझे दिखा रहा है? पहले कड़ी धूप मे पूरा दिन सुलगते रहो फिर जाके ही शाम की ठंडाहत, पेड़ों की सरसराहट और रात का चैन तुम्हें नसीब होगा! लेकिन अगर मेरी शाम और मेरी रात, दोनों भी मुझसे मुकर जाए और मेरे पास बस ये कड़ी धूप बचे तो? तो क्या फिर भी ये दिन मुझे उतना ही हसीन लगेगा? अगर ईन हरे-भरे पेड़ की जगह मुझे मेरे आगे सिर्फ पतझड़ दिखाई दे, तो क्या फिर भी ये दिन मुझे उतना ही रंगीन लगेगा?  शायद नहीं, शायद वो दोनों तुमसे रूठ कर चले जाए और बस यह कड़ी धूप ही तुम्हारे हिस्से मे आए| शायद य...

Do you ever feel so low, so lost that you lose the track of your own life?  Do you look at the clock every half an hour and still don't remember what time is it or what day - date you're living in? Do you feel like same old day, everyday, where you're breathing just to pass your time?  Do you ever feel like all the interesting things you used to do, don't even cross your mind now? Do you feel like not repeating daily chores? Do you feel like your heart aches every time it beats?   Do you just sleep on your bed and tears start rolling down your eyes?  Do you feel like not buying new clothes? Do you feel like not waking up in the morning? Do you feel like the time should stop right there?  And do you feel like the world will be a better place without you?  Because I do. 

सुना है ठंडी हवा की लेहरो में मिट्टी की खुशबु रेहती थी, अब तो ना वो ठंडी हवा नसीब हुई, ना ही मिट्टी की खुशबु.. रेह गयी है तो सिर्फ कड़ी धूप, गड्ढों वाले रस्ते और उनपे झुंजता हुआ बेजान आदमी! सुना है नीला आसमान चूमके गाता था ये ग़ालिब, और लोगो मे प्यार देख के खुशी से झूमता भी था. नीला आसमान? है ना, प्यार भी है! लेकिन फर्क सिर्फ इतना है के नीला आसमान अब इन लंबी इमारतो और गाड़ियों के धुए में मानो चुप सा गया है, इनके बीच में ढूंढना पड़ता है उसे. और प्यार है पैसो के लिए. अब तो पैसों के लिए मानो बाकी लोगोंको तो  भूल सा गया हे ये इंसान. लोग क्या जनाब, ये अपने भाई को पहचान ले तब भी काफी है! सुना है सुबह सवेरे चिड़िया शोर मचा के सबको उठा देती थी, उसे अपने काम के लिए जो जाना पड़ता था. और शामको, सब काम खत्म करके, घर जाते वक़्त फिरसे इसका वही शोर कानो मे शेहद घोल देता था. शायद उसका शेहद रास नहीं आया, या फिर उसके शोर की कदर ना रही हमे जो हमने उसे इन सड़को से ही दूर कर दिया. इतना दूर के अब वो अपना बस्ता कही और जाके बसा रही हे और अगर यहा 1-2 दिन के लिए आ भी गयी, तब भी जनाब अब हम...

Then there was that moment when you looked at her. It wasn't anything new, you see her all the time but in that moment, looking at her felt new, her face felt new. She felt new, unknown and beautiful than ever before. She might not be having silky hair floating as the wind moves but you see her with her flicks dancing on her cheeks, secrets knitted in her tangled hair and you get an urge to unravel them. Her skin might not be white-toned, instead a bit dark complimenting her deep dark eyes, which always tells you that she's hiding stories you are willing to listen to, for an entire night under an open sky. She might not have curvy waist but her curved eyeliner makes you wonder if the eyeliner also falls in love everytime it sticks above those big sparkling eyes. Her lips might not take a shape of a perfect curve making her cheeks go all pink but you know the sound of her carefree laugh makes you fall in love with her, again. She might not be good eno...

Dear confused mind, I know you care for me, you want me to be satisfied and successful. You keep comparing me with those people you have seen back then with those beautiful physique and glittering attires. You keep comparing me with people who have achieved unrealistic things in their life and remind me to be like them. Just for a change, I was thinking about you when I realized few things so I am writing them to you. Success is a hypothetical term, defined to make someone feel motivated for further journey and not to make them feel less of themselves. Instead you watch people on social media and wish my life was like them, that lifestyle with high ranks in college, 5.6ft height to complement 28in waist, 6 packs with perfect beard. Stop comparing me with them, I am not them. So, unfollow every account which makes you envious. Some people achieve their goals by the age of 20 because they have been working on it since they were 15, I have achieved my goal of scoring ...

Sleeping in a large hall, I was excited about the next day event. I went to sleep imagining things I have to do tomorrow. Imagining things? Well, usually it's my most favorite thing to do because I can forget other things and have a low-key soothing time. Few minutes before I woke up, I could feel his aroma around me. I could recognize it because of his past attempts of trying and partly succeeding in having a so-called conversation/meeting with me, which I definitely didn’t want. How could I do that? I was taught very clearly, "Never talk to a stranger". It didn’t take me long to wake up and find him sitting next to me and staring back at me. I was confused, confused what to feel. Uncomfortable under my own skin, alone in a hall full of people, regrettable for being a girl, disgusted of him being a man or I think, may be, scared? I managed to wake up and sit back when he took a step or two back, he asked, “water? You were asking for water to your mother yesterday ...

I wonder how I end up being in front of him in a totally unknown place, at totally unexpected, unwanted times, is that the destiny or just a coincidence? But Do coincidences repeat every time? I don't know.    He's that one guy with the most determined walk whom I'd like to stalk. Ohh his Lips, red like wine; his biceps, I want them to be mine. He, the cooler, cuter and more open minded than others, I wish I could take it a bit further. Ohh wait, Flirt? No, he's more than that, a true soul who never calls me fat.   He's that one guy who warns me and says 'Stay away from me' and guess what, those words are the reason I'm more attracted towards him, like a magnet at a glim. 'I'm worth hating' be his tag line but how can someone hate the Cutest smile.  He's that one guy who doesn't judge me based on what I share but funnily diverts the topic by commenting on my flair.   But He's also that one guy who says ...

'Don't be a child, think practically', 'Stop making fun of things and take them seriously', 'Plan and work for your future instead of daydreaming about foolish things', pretty much normal lines to drag you into a real world and make you a working robot. A good prescription for your disease called 'abnormal behavior!'. Being in a different world of your own, imagining things and living the life you know you can't have or things that won't happen, is it so abandoned when you cross your so called teenage? If adult-ing means leaving my dream world behind then I choose not to grow up so fast. So fast that I won't be able to cope up with the surrounding world. So fast that my thoughts will be drenched and will no longer be able to have their own space out of your confined world. When my mind can no longer handle the stress I've been carrying or when I'm overloaded with real life problems, I choose to flow in a world full of poss...

(For those who are continuously asking me the reason behind my strange behavior. Hope this article will comfort you for coming few days. Until I am normal.) My heart is heavy right now, filled with so many feelings. My legs are weak enough to carry the load of my mind. I want to cry my heart out. I want to know the reason behind my sleepless nights and convert these crowded, mixed, annoying thoughts into a sloppy piece of paper. And I can't even explain it to myself what's exactly going on but I am still struggling to make you understand why I am behaving like this. Will you be able to understand me? I am disturbed, internally. I don't care about my long, beautiful hair anymore. I don't care what I am going to wear tomorrow, anymore. It doesn't even matter anymore. The sun is trying to spread his brightest ray of light on me but my darkness is making him feel less of himself. The calm moon tried to lower the rage within me, but little did he know tha...